National Day of the Cowboy

Lazy or fun??

I'm an hour late for the "National Day of the Cowboy," but it only seems fitting that I was at a ranch bronc riding.

I'd like to thank all the cowboys that have let me in. Some of y'all have welcomed me into your inner circle and for that I am forever grateful. I've lived a life so far that is better than any book and wilder than any imagination.

Thanks to all the old cowboys who have shown me the ropes and taught me how to act right; that ever so important cowboy etiquette. Thanks for being patient and explaining yourself more than once and thanks for making me do things on my own.

Thanks to the young cowboys, a little less patient but wise enough to look up to. Thanks for yelling at me when we were in a rush and I didn't know which way to go; you gave me a hole to fill and it made me feel important. Thanks for cussing me when I missed a yearling that we really needed to catch; you were kind enough to give me a chance. Sometimes I got upset but I sure learned fast when I was threatened with a chapping, y'all never followed through but I always took it to heart.

Thanks to the cowboys with good reputations who talked their bosses into letting me help. I don't know what kind of strings you had to pull but I will always remember cashing my first check for day work. That is the most honest $100 I've ever made. Thanks for trotting through all of your country with me and telling me the names of every pasture; I've tried to remember every one.

Thanks to the cowboys who let me shoe your horses, if I can't be horseback with you I'm thankful I get to help you do your job. Thanks for trusting me with your livelihood and thanks for paying me your hard earned money.

Thanks to the cowboys who didn't laugh at me when I wanted to do cowboy stuff but who helped me instead.

Thanks especially to the cowboys who call me a cowboy, there is no bigger compliment.

Our country is...I can't continue without being deported...

Other countries, take note. If you make these, I will come.

I have a game I like to play, I refer to it as 'Attempting To Find Hope In Humanity.' I peruse Facebook until I find an over-shared post that is completely irrelevant or blatantly false and I scroll through the comments until I find someone that fell off into a Brittani approved rant about how wrong everyone is. Then I slow clap for the seemingly last shred of intelligence left on planet earth and I often click on the person's name and find out some basic information about said genius.

I've arrived at a fairly accurate estimate that 99% of these scholars are of foreign origin.

*gasp* Foreigners? If you're half as narrow minded as I am
(someone else's words, not mine) then you would also believe that all foreigners wear butt flaps and live in thatched roof huts on stilts. I'm under the impression that most of them die from childhood malaria and raids amongst feuding tribes.

Yet, some how, there are some greats minds that rise from the depths of disparity and horrors of oppression to become intellectual, well spoken individuals with an alarmingly natural bit of common sense and more understanding of the English language than a country that has been solely English speaking since, ever. (I'm talking Christopher Columbus, not Indians, just to be clear and not racist, God forbid.)

Why did I even notice that the people I was impressed by were Australians, Zimbabweans, South Africans and New Zealanders? Because American's are too far immersed in a deep, dark, bottomless hole of ignorance. Some people are still interested in world leadership, the current state of affairs and whether or not we are all going to die like turkeys in the rain because we are too damn stupid.

Twerking, text message lingo, race wars, Obama, twelve year olds dressing like prostitutes, pop music, people bashing hunters and ranchers, PETA, and for the love of all things holy, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. I want to continue but I'm just irritating myself.     

I'll wrap this up before I have to climb into my straight jacket for the evening. Can't we just start caring about the things that matter? We're not number one anymore. We're not even number two. If we aren't already a joke to the world then we're on our way.

If some other country could start breeding cowpunchers that would be great because it's the only thing holding me down.

Australia, get that done please.